21:35 2026-09-02

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yeah one of the rules is that it isn't every day

well

I got on medication again this monday after a while, I felt that it was psychologically necessary (mood swings and lashing out mainly). I never had the greatest relationship with antidepressants but I always have to try all my cards. lately they have been making me weaker, especially in executing stuff and focusing, although this also perfectly correlates with a shit sleep period, and it hasn't even be 15 days like recommended to cast a judgement. at worst my inaction made me unable to move, but with food and rest (with the assitance of my family, can't move!) I became able to move again and used the jolt of energy to write this.

I hope I can get on adhd meds again soon. I also never had a great relationship with them (everything I try to get treated for seems treatment resistant!!! my brain is as stubborn as my consciousness...?) but at the very least they helped with hyperactivity. I feel antsy and jittery all the time and moving in circles in public spaces is getting me embarassed. also, even if it doesn't fix my executive issues, some higher quality focus when it fires off would be welcome. idk. I wish adderall was legal. methylphenidate just isn't it with me. but we'll see. I should always, always try. at least with trying success is possible. not trying means that it isn't possible. also I'm already noticing my mood being less swingy sooo #hope

also they fixed my internet. although power cuts are still here. also I fixed a screen issue, shitty displayport cable. happy with these events : <

gyate gyate haragyate harasogyate bojisowaka